it’s been a week

michael raymond eberle. you.
it has been a week, and you are dead.
why are you gone.


why you, and not me. i know very well you want me to carry on. i know very well you do not want me to hole up. you have many times kicked me in the buttocks to move forward. but i cannot. i cannot. i just can not. life is so empty now. you and i talked about how lost i am going to be. we talked about how you and i relied on each other. you and i both talked about how there just isn’t anyone there for either of us like we have been for each other. you have been my rock. you have been there for me far more than i ever have been there for you. you are the only one i trust. we both know the many kind words of friends just are not matched by action. personally i just want to be left alone but not alone. you were the one who really honestly understood what i could not say, what i did not want to say. you were just there for me. i don’t want to have to explain myself to anyone. i want you to be here. you would just show up. you would just know what to say, what to not say, what to do, what not to do. i want to be comforted, but i want to take your pain. thank you for letting me hold your hand in those hours of excruciating pain in those final nights. i am tired of people saying that at least you are free from pain, that you are finally at rest. yes, i know that. i know. i am grateful that you gave me the opportunity to help you in those 605 days. i didn’t know what to do. i just know what it is like to fight on my own. i knew i could not let you be alone on this journey. all i could do was just common sense, and to give you presence. it is sad that so many of your close friends slipped away, and were not there for you. someone like you did not deserve that. you gave your all to so many, and so many were unable to reciprocate in your most needed hours. i just want you to know mike how grateful i am for you. i cannot say thank you enough for all you are, for all you have given me. and now, you are gone. but all our memories will never be. until i am gone, i will always cherish the many memories.

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