And, once again, from out of nowhere, it hit. It hit hard. It hurts hard. For probably about a week now, just been feeling above normal, emotionally and such.
Saturday, I was wiped by something, where I had no umph or energy. I made it to Solidarity Saturday in the morning with the plan to run errands after. All I was able to accomplish was to pick up my prescriptions at CVS, and there just got hit hard by a wave of sheer exhaustion.
Back home, watched one episode of NCIS while eating lunch. Then I dozed off into a nap until five. That evening, I attended a progressives potluck, and really had an enjoyable time.
Sunday was mellow. Church in the morning. Napping and Netflix in the afternoon. Mike called in need of presence. Picked up Lil Caesars and hung out at his place for the evening.
Monday morning woke up ready for work. Jumped in the shower and there I was hit with another wallop of exhaustion and weakness. Pushed myself to finish readying for work, but my body just was not having it. So, I texted in to work stating that I would not be making it in for the day.
Slept until 12:30. Ate lunch, watched a couple of episodes, slept for a few hours, couple more episodes, slept, repeat. Simply unable to get out of bed, for every joint and muscle joined in with aches and hurts.
The remainder of the week I was coasting along a fairly level plateau. Tuesday evening was the first session of a painting class, which boosted my morale. Thursday evening was an NDHRC potluck, with great conversations among many friends.
Friday morning, I woke up feeling like I had on Monday. This time, I was determined to push myself and get to work. Of course, that blanket of melancholy wrapped itself around me. Absolutely nothing wrong, yet flanked with anxiety and sadness.
My heart rate was racing abnormally, which fueled the tiredness. My body or something longed for the sleep to end the ache, and my psyche or something determines to fight to live. Of course I was able to don my mask and keep friends at work protected from my sullenness.
Lingered a while at the office after work, tinkering with a graphic design style I had seen on the Internet. Getting lost in creativity is a good thing.
Mike had received some distressing news regarding his cancer. Stopped over to visit with him after work, before a pre-production meeting for a wet plate project. Attended the meeting even though my heart just wasn’t there at this moment.
Afterwards, grabbed some take-out and returned to Mike’s for the evening. Just having someone in presence, along with Shania for pet therapy, it is a good thing.
Tomorrow is a busy day, and I will purpose to pull through it all. I just wish my mind and emotions and body were not always in fighting mode with each other and against each other. I survive by serving others.