Eleven

Eleven years have passed since my last date date.

I have had many, many sexual one-night stands, but no date. No courting. No romancing. No love. I have friends eleven weeks after a breakup state they will be forever alone. Fuck off, I think.

Over 25 of my post-20 years have been single and dateless. What is to blame. Am I too over-qualified. Am I under-qualified. Why does romance avoid me.

Can I blame it on the church. It has instilled hatred by gay guys against religion. Am I to suppress my religious lifestyle, just as Fundamentalists tell me to suppress my being gay?

Can I accuse my geographic location. Why do you tell me to move to a larger city, don’t you want me here either?

Can I blame it on my being a social activist and I scare men away. I’ve been told that I am too this, too that, and I just need to be myself. Who am I supposed to be?

Get a pet they say. Really? Straight people married just as long as I have been single tell me that being coupled is not all that it is cracked up to be. Your misery is to be my misery?

And I wonder why loneliness controls me so hard.