Rambling Afternoon Journal Entry #160531:
Just putting it on the line. I’m being treated for depressions, and dealing with past unresolved trauma(?) issues. For those wondering of my frequent disconnect, I have written a brief summation, follow the link below to find it. This is where I am, this is my reality.
Just like 99.999999% of the complete human population, I have strong trust issues.
If I dare to allow myself to trust you to share a smidgen of the depths in me, it might probably mean, I might know:
– you won’t turn it into a poor you, pity party;
– you won’t tell me to quit complaining;
– you won’t tell me that other people have it worse;
– you will just let me talk without interjecting your comparative stories;
– you will not tell me to just pray harder, trust stronger in God;
– without a doubt that I am not disturbing your time;
– we know our shared history so we don’t have to explain ourselves to each other;
And, on one hand, like everybody else, I just keep it to myself, longing to be free to trust.
On the other hand, because of trust issues, I have never developed any emotional support team.
And on the other hand, I slip up, and trust the wrong situation, share at the wrong time, and people disappear.
It’s the norm, and I remain.