My Life is an Open Book Ramble #150907:
2011 – “Death” of an apartment, beginning in a new one. Rekindled a dark relationship with depression.
2012 – A sizeable chunk of old friends departed because of what I had become with depression and muck. Suicide came knocking several times. Invited in for visits a couple times.
2013 – A year with a few significant health traumas. Loneliness started courting me. Ended a thirty-plus-year dependent relationship with alcohol.
2014 – Living life without alcohol, emotions experienced life raw and not numbed. Continued the relationship with depression, and nurtured simultaneous relationships with social-anxiety and fear-of-life. Discovered a new church family who gave welcome.
2015 – Social-anxiety and fear-of-life began to grow into sizeable, controlling critters. Loneliness and I grew quite fond of each other. July was tough hearing the fundamentalist crowd chanting a war-cry against LGBT because of marriage equality.
Then August hit. Hard. A close friend kicked me out of town to go on vacation by myself. Alone. Lots of praying and thinking and wondering among those miles. Since that journey, dependence upon anxiety, fear of life, loneliness, muck, they have lost interest in me, and I in them.
The journey continues as I continue to purpose to live without them, without alcohol, without muck. I am grateful that God, his grace, mercies and mysteries have never left me, have never shook me off. I am glad for the old friends who have stayed. I am giddy with the new friends life has given me. I am going to be fine. It is not about me, but Christ in me.