Here I sit, the morning after my 45th Birthday. Where do I sit. Where am I. I am here.
I work. I act. I believe. I live. Where are you. Last night I discovered the truth about Life Instigators. Those who want to instigate life with me. Those who goad or urge forward. Those who enjoy life. Those who share a mutual, two-way, continued, viable, living and breathing interest in life and all that it entails.
I failed in giving myself time to plan any big bash for this milestone, plus I am in rehearsals for a play. So, I sent an open invite on Facebook for any and every one to join me at Fiesta Villa after rehearsals. I texted several friends after rehearsal as well. Five members of the cast crossed the street with me to Fiesta Villa and we walked in. Empty. Then arrived several of my choice Life Instigators. Ron and Dan, Mike and Kurt, Nancy, later Wade, eventually Poppy, and finally Austin, and Amber. Yes, there were those who were genuinely kind enough to send regrets and true greetings.
So here I sit. Should be heading to work. Let me get this out first. Resignation, not bitterness. Maybe a spot of bitter. Yet overall, Relief. Some things I will now quit upon reaching this milestone of 45.
I will now quit romance and the pursuit/hope thereof. The grave has been dug, romance tossed in, the casket sealed, and concrete poured over. Done. Gone are the hopeful perusals of internet dating sites. Gone are the lingering at dances with hope. Gone is window shopping with longingly gazes.
I will now quit being the initiator to any and all but save for those I know from gained experience who are true Life Instigators. Initiating hugs, spontaneity, random acts of kindness, life.
I will now quit trying to keep the door open to those who have closed the door.
Those are behind me. Life is ahead. 45 more years, who knows? I simply move forward with the hopeful purpose of continuing the excitement of instigating life with my true Life Instigators. I know who they are, and I hold them most closely to my heart. They bring me joy. They refresh my spirit. They know who they are; and if not, I will always remind them. They will be the ones to scatter my ashes to the wind.